I recently bought a box of 76 trash bags and every single time I look at it, I wonder if "Maeve" will be home with us before all 76 are gone.
When I vacuum, and our 16 month old dances off to the side (because ever since she was born I sing the same song to her when I run the vacuum cleaner), I wonder what Maeve would be doing if she were here also. I find myself accounting more often for two children, when one of them is still in an orphanage on another continent.
I've always tried to remember to see the "big picture". The "this won't matter in ten years" or "Wow, we parked really far from the door, but at least I can walk myself to it. Some folks can't." kind of thinking has always helped me keep things in perspective.
Of course, perspective changes over time. And with different life experiences. We are five months into our adoption process now, and just as with the arrival of any child, our thoughts are filled with anticipation of our newest daughter's life here with us.
Except that unlike the end of pregnancy, instead of carrying my daughter in my womb and seeing her thriving on ultrasounds, I look at her picture and wonder how she is being affected by what she is lacking in nutrition, stimulation, and love. I pray for God's supernatural provision for those things until we can be the ones that lavish His love on her.
When I look at my daughter here, I think of orphans lying in cribs untouched, unnoticed, over there.
When we pray over our food, I think of hungry bellies on the other side of the world.
When I pray, I ask God for his eyes to see as He sees so that my heart can break for what breaks His, knowing that even a hint of that buckles my knees.
When I'm being petty, I remember how blessed I am and wonder how I can possibly complain.
When I wonder where we will live, I think about how blessed I am that no matter where it is, my children will be with me, and I think of the anguish of mothers in this world who are forced to abort, give away, or witness the abuse of their children.
I might get glassy-eyed in conversations about things such as which vacations to take, which clothes to buy, or how to redecorate a room because I am thinking of how we can pile all of the money for those things together instead and rescue one more orphan. I don't begrudge anyone their blessings. I'll take a vacation again, too, I'm sure. My children will get new toys, clothes, beds.
It's not that I think we should all be martyrs.
It's that I am not lukewarm. I am hot about these children because the Lord has burdened my heart with their plight.
I wasn't always like this. I didn't even know about orphans in Eastern Europe this time last year, but I am thankful my eyes and heart have been opened.
I cannot rescue them all. But I can pray for them. I can care about them. I can think of them when no one else might. I can love them because Jesus first loved me. I can advocate for them just as He advocates for us. I can be their voice when they have none.
When we get to heaven, the Bible says the last will be first. Certainly among the last here on earth are innocent newborn babies cast aside to suffer and die alone. Oh, for the day that they would be first.
Revelation 21: And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.
2 And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.
3 And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.
4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
5 And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.
6 And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely.
7 He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.
8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
No more pain for orphans left to suffer alone, writhing in agony in urine soaked beds.
No more tears for those still bothering to cry, as many orphans have learned that there will be no response, and for some, even harsh punishment.
No more sorrow for "little ones" who wait for years for a family to choose them, growing into "older ones" who know their disability has rendered them less desirable.
No more death. Though it is appointed once for every man to die, no child should have to suffer the death of their innocence and the stripping away of their dignity.
Oh Lord, please come soon.
But until that day, help us as your children to listen when you speak, and obey joyfully. We want to be a living sacrifice unto you!
.GIF)